Negative self-talk is one of the main causes of self-sabotage. We’re our greatest persecutors. We know and perceive it, but we can’t stop the loop. Why do we act so harsh on ourselves? Why do we tend to minimize our achievements and give a huge importance to our failures? Is there anything we could do end self-deprecation?
The answer is yes. There’s so much you can do to stop self-sabotage.
Being conscious of your negative self-talk is a good starting point. So, please, reward yourself for that. Be extremely kind to yourself: you deserve it. Next time you’re about to judge yourself, or think negatively, please stop.
Stop, no matter what you are doing — washing the dishes, talking to a friend, cooking dinner — or where you are — at the grocery store, in a car jam, at the office. Just stop.
Take a deep breath, and ask yourself:
Do I really think I did something wrong? Where does this negative thinking come from? Is it coming from my inner voice, or from the outside?
Think about it: is your inner dialogue being influenced by what others think of you? What weight do the opinions and judgements have on your self-esteem? I don’t think you deserve so much hate and harassment.
If you take the time to answer to those questions, you might realize that most of the time the way you feel about yourself is influenced by the outside. A negative comment or an out-of-place word from parents, teachers or workmates can have a huge impact on your self-confidence.
Being aware of where your negative thinking comes from is a great achievement. So, please, reward yourself, again. You need that.
Okay, you’re aware, but what comes next?
After awareness, it comes acceptance. We never give the proper credits to acceptance, which comes once you recognize that you can’t change the way things are and you let them happen.
How to practice acceptance? Whenever you feel uncomfortable, don’t fight the emotions nor run from them: stay there. Sorrow is a great teacher. To accept it doesn’t mean to surrender. The next step is to change your negative self-dialogue, and I totally agree with you if you say that this is the hardest part.
It’s hard to rewire our brains. Let’s do it, step by step. Next time you are about to complain, please stop for a while. Transform your inner dialogue.
Switching to a positive mindset
If you can’t get a job, maybe you’re prone to think that you aren’t good enough, or that nobody likes you. Perhaps, the bad times you went through when you were young influenced you in a negative way. So, please, repeat to yourself that you’re amazing and unique. Your skills are unique, and you deserve to get the job you’re dreaming of.
Instead of thinking I couldn’t get that job.; there’s something wrong with me, you might tell yourself: A better career is waiting for me. I am meant to do something meaningful.
Be aware of your real desires and talents, and nurture them. If you acknowledge what you’re skilled at, you’re able to show your true value to people. Be kind to yourself.
Imagine that you’re applying for a job in the communication sphere. Maybe, when you were younger, somebody told you that you don’t look good in videos, and hit you with such direct yet rude words. You still believe that in your subconscious mind, so you’re uncomfortable with your appearance. It’s hard to convince recruiters that you’re the profile they’re looking for, if you don’t like yourself.
The first step is to accept your feelings and do little and constant steps towards change. Maybe you can record a short video and ask a close friend to give you a feedback. Also, you can change your hairstyle, or wear a shirt that looks awesome on you. You can start by changing the background of your videos. Experiment with those things, and have fun!
You can apply this strategy to almost everything: if you think you’re a mess at taking care of friendships, you should consider why you think that. Maybe someone told you you’re awful at keeping connection with people. Perhaps, those who told you this were the ones who couldn’t manage to stay in touch with you, but they blamed you instead. Or they told you that, but they were not aware that keeping a connection with you it was their responsibility too.
You got it? Don’t blame yourself. Instead of thinking Karen didn’t want to hangout with me; I am really a mess at taking care of my friendships, you can tell yourself: Karen is so busy lately, that she doesn’t have the time to go out with anyone. Maybe I should ask her if she needs something. Or, whenever you’re about to think that Luke is cool, but I’m sure he won’t want to go to that concert with me or join for a beer, why don’t you simply ask him? If he says no, maybe he’s just busy, or he doesn’t actually like concerts!
Don’t let your inner dialogue limit you
Little by little, you can get to notice whenever a negative thought is popping up in your mind. You’ll be able to analyze the thought and understand where it comes from. This will give you the ability to discern whether what you are feeling is influenced by anyone’s point of view. And, ultimately, you can change your inner dialogue and switch to positive thinking.
With positive thinking, I don’t mean that you have to think that life is beautiful, optimism is the key, we must pursue happiness and realization. That’s definitely a cool mindset to achieve. But positive thinking means also learning from failure, seeing sparkles of hope in a bad day, transforming a “no” into an opportunity.
Share your experience.
Is there a situation in which negative self-thinking or fear of failure stopped you to obtain what you wanted? Can you apply this to your everyday life? If you have any tips or want to share your experience with a situation in which you experienced negative self-talk, feel free to post a reply.
Originally published at http://thegoodvibesrevolution.com on November 23, 2020.